There are some days when I question if I’m living the life I’m supposed to live. I wonder if I’m doing enough. Should I be going back to work? Does that allow me to be the kind of mother I want to be? Why is it that some women are perfectly comfortable balancing work and motherhood and some are not? There are also some who are not lucky enough to have a choice and they have to work.

I am grateful to be able to stay home with my child but sometimes I have a sense of unease. I feel like I’ve got to do more, to be more. Recently many in my family and some friends have suggested that I get back to work, but at this stage of my life, I’m not really interested in doing something just to work. I want to do something that adds meaning and value to my life. Having an extra income would be an added bonus but it’s got to be worth my time and energy away from my family.

Why can’t I have a career and be a mother? I have so many friends who do both beautifully. I have really been looking into the meaning of my life. What is it that I want in life? Is it wealth, fame, acknowledgement and success? How does one define success? For some it’s what they do. For others it’s what they have. I know I have what’s always been important to me. I have a loving family and I am fortunate enough to have a handful of true friends that have stuck with me through thick and thin. Along the way I have lost people who were not supposed to be in my life anymore. In the end, the health and happiness of those I love is all that matters to me and yet there is still something within me that feels unfulfilled.

I think that feeling of wanting to do more helps push me to look for what I’m supposed to do. I think it’s telling me that there is more for me to accomplish. It compels me to continue to strive and move forward.

I often think that there has to be a reason for our existence. I think we are all here in the world to fulfill our purpose. To find it we must get closer to our essence. Part of our essence is giving. We have to look at something larger than ourselves. For me, it’s connecting with God. I’ve blogged about my grateful practice many times. It’s one of the best ways to connect with my source. The more I connect with a higher power the more I learn to let go and let God lead me to where I’m supposed to go.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, the Emperor of Rome.

“Life is shaped from the inside out. Everything is turned to ones advantage when you greet everything that happens in life as something positive. No experience goes wasted. Everything that happens in life is the right material to bring about your growth and the growth around you. Everything contains some special purpose and a hidden blessing. All of life is here to greet you like an old and faithful friend.”