Category: Uncategorized
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On April 4th my little girl turned 9. I can’t believe just how fast time went. It feels like she was just born yesterday. I remember the exact moment I laid eyes on her beautiful face. The feeling that came over me was one that is indescribable, but I’ll try. I felt as if my heart was going to come out of my body. I couldn’t believe she was ours. A symbol of the love I shared with my husband. She was now our entire world. All I was focused on were her big dark eyes and pouty pink lips…and just how little and delicate she was. She was like a perfect little doll.
It amazed me how her birth had changed our lives forever. I remember my best friend had sent me a card before I had her. In the card she had written something like get ready for your life to turn upside down and for your heart to burst open with love. Her description of how it was going to be from now on was perfect. It’s exactly what had happened. Her birth changed us from being a couple, to being parents. We would never sleep soundly again!
I wondered how we were going to take care of her and keep her safe. I’ve continued to wonder about that every day since I’ve had her. I’ve focused on keeping her healthy, only giving her foods that are organic and fresh. I had played classical music the entire time I was pregnant and I continued that tradition during her infancy. I sang to her all the time, still do but now she asks me to PLEASE STOP! I tried to teach her everything I can since the very beginning. I took her to “Mommy and Me” music classes beginning at 3 months of age. Thank Goodness for those classes and “Not Just Art” a place in Oyster Bay that provides the class. It helped keep me sane for the first few years of being a parent. I met some of my dearest mommy friends there. Liz, Lisa, Maria, Christine, Dina, so many great women that have traveled the crazy road of motherhood with me. I cherish them and their friendship. In fact, I’ve met a lot of amazing women because of my daughter, Jaime, Amy, Kerri, Tatiana, Francesca, Sine, Sue, there are so many more I’ve not mentioned but they all help me in my journey as a mother. We learn from one another, we give support to each other but most importantly we try to be the best parents we can be for our children. I hope I always have these amazing women in my life.
Since Sophia’s birth, I’ve tried my best to be a good parent. I’ve worried about giving her too much, or too little. I worry about her being an only child, I try to surround her with positive friends so she is not too lonely. Her friends are little girls that are kind, considerate, inclusive people. I’ve done my best to help her bond with her cousins by spending ample time together. I’ve tried to instill in her the importance of family and being there for each other, always having one another’s best interest in heart.
She has great relationships with her grandparents, aunts, uncles a plenty. So much love. We are very blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. In the end, that is the most important thing to give our children, our love.
I hope be a good influence to my daughter and lead her into the path meant for her and share all that I learn to help others raising children. After all, we all want the best for our little ones.
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What is your mind on, do you know? How many times have you caught yourself just thinking about the things that are going wrong with your life? Did you ever stop and really focus on what it is you are preoccupied with? It can be a conversation you had with your spouse or your friend. You may be going over what you said and what you should have said instead. You maybe thinking about everything that is wrong with your body or just criticizing your parenting skills. What would happen if you just stop the negative thinking?
Believe it or not, the things you think about shape your life. Philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, “The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts. Color it with a run of thoughts like these:
1)Anywhere you can lead your life, you can lead a good one.
2) Things gravitate toward what they were intended for. What things gravitate toward is their goal.
Basically, it means that the more you concentrate on the positive things in your life the more you attract them. It may seem frivolous but it’s something that has been taught by so many of the worlds spiritual gurus and philosophers. In every religious book it says that we should count our blessings. So even when things go wrong in life, we have to focus on all that is going right. That is the key to happiness.
I hope you keep your minds on all that is good in your life.
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There are some days when I question if I’m living the life I’m supposed to live. I wonder if I’m doing enough. Should I be going back to work? Does that allow me to be the kind of mother I want to be? Why is it that some women are perfectly comfortable balancing work and motherhood and some are not? There are also some who are not lucky enough to have a choice and they have to work.I am grateful to be able to stay home with my child but sometimes I have a sense of unease. I feel like I’ve got to do more, to be more. Recently many in my family and some friends have suggested that I get back to work, but at this stage of my life, I’m not really interested in doing something just to work. I want to do something that adds meaning and value to my life. Having an extra income would be an added bonus but it’s got to be worth my time and energy away from my family.
Why can’t I have a career and be a mother? I have so many friends who do both beautifully. I have really been looking into the meaning of my life. What is it that I want in life? Is it wealth, fame, acknowledgement and success? How does one define success? For some it’s what they do. For others it’s what they have. I know I have what’s always been important to me. I have a loving family and I am fortunate enough to have a handful of true friends that have stuck with me through thick and thin. Along the way I have lost people who were not supposed to be in my life anymore. In the end, the health and happiness of those I love is all that matters to me and yet there is still something within me that feels unfulfilled.
I think that feeling of wanting to do more helps push me to look for what I’m supposed to do. I think it’s telling me that there is more for me to accomplish. It compels me to continue to strive and move forward.I often think that there has to be a reason for our existence. I think we are all here in the world to fulfill our purpose. To find it we must get closer to our essence. Part of our essence is giving. We have to look at something larger than ourselves. For me, it’s connecting with God. I’ve blogged about my grateful practice many times. It’s one of the best ways to connect with my source. The more I connect with a higher power the more I learn to let go and let God lead me to where I’m supposed to go.
I’ll leave you with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, the Emperor of Rome.
“Life is shaped from the inside out. Everything is turned to ones advantage when you greet everything that happens in life as something positive. No experience goes wasted. Everything that happens in life is the right material to bring about your growth and the growth around you. Everything contains some special purpose and a hidden blessing. All of life is here to greet you like an old and faithful friend.”
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I love watching my daughter grow. It’s such a privilege to be apart of helping form another human being. I love seeing her develop her friendships. She navigates so beautifully towards the right kind of friends. I’m thankful that she is not a “mean” girl. She has always been and continues to be a kind and considerate little girl. She is actually very picky about who she befriends. Her friends posses the same sweet qualities that she has.
Last week she had her first sleepover with her best friend. Watching them interact brought a smile to my face but it also broke my heart just a little bit. It just made me think of all the ups and downs she will experience with her relationships in her lifetime. Friendships are amazing. I know by my own experiences that I couldn’t have made it through life without my friends. I’m thankful for them all. But sometimes our closest friends can also be the ones capable of hurting us the most. I couldn’t help but think of what will happen between her and her best friend five years down the line. Then I snapped myself back to the present and decided to just enjoy watching them be happy little girls now.Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a present. I choose to live in the present.
The girls spent the day doing crafts and watching movies. Then they spent the night whispering and giggling well past their bedtime. My husband and I didn’t interfere with their fun. We let them stay up and enjoy the sleepover.
The next day they were up at the crack of dawn, ready for a hearty breakfast. They giggled and told me how they got up and danced in the dark without our knowledge. It seemed to give them joy that they were able to get away with that and we didn’t even know. They wanted to be free and to rebel I guess.
After breakfast they did some singing, played in the snow, went out for lunch, went ice skating and then off to Starbucks for some hot chocolate. As I was waiting for my latte, I looked back at these two little beauties sitting and sipping their hot chocolate and just being silly kids. I could picture them all grown up and out for coffee together. I realize just how fast that can happen. I feel privilidged to spend time with them because I know that one day soon they won’t want me around. These beautiful little people are given to us for a short while to guide, nurture and love. Before we know it, they will fly off and begin their own journey in life.
In the meantime I feel very fortunate to be apart of my daughter’s day to day life and to witness her growth and all her firsts. Life is so much more beautiful with my little love. The one thing I have learned and try to practice is not to get lost in the chaos of everyday life. Stop, be in the present and be grateful for every second of this beautiful life with my loved ones.
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