Style & Serenity

Daddy’s Little Girl.

June 15th, 2014

Sitting by the window waiting for daddy. That’s what my daughter does every Tuesday and Thursday. They’re the only days of the week that my husband comes home in time to have dinner with us. The rest of the week he works well past Sophia’s bedtime. Every morning she stands by the window waving and screaming “I love you daddy. Have a great day. Bye, bye!” Then she turns to me and says mommy, I miss my daddy so much! When Friday comes around she squeaks with delight because she will finally get to spend “a whole two days with daddy!”

It brings me so much joy to see my child so in love with her dad. At the same time it makes me a bit jealous. She never gets excited to see me, she never jumps up for joy when I tell her we are going to be spending one on one time together. She clearly is daddy’s little girl.

When I was little my dad spent lots of time carrying me on his shoulders. I was so attached to him that getting out of the house to go to work in the mornings became difficult for him. He would have to sneak out. If I saw him leaving I would throw a fit. I was definitely daddy’s little girl. Things changed between us when I hit my teenage years. Let’s just say he was a very strict and scary dad but I always knew he loved me. During one of our heated arguments he cried and told me he loved me and only wanted the best for me. Seeing him in tears broke my heart but it also felt good to see him show his emotions. It was out of character for him. We went through many years not having much of a connection but in time we lulled back into a more harmonious relationship. Once I got married and had my child I saw just how much he loved me. I also understood why he was so protective. My dad has always been there to share in my joys and sadness. He is not perfect, but he has always loved us and been a solid anchor for his family. I realize my father is a human being with faults just like the rest of us.
My daughter sees her dad as a superhero, a prince, the most amazing man in the world. One day she will grow up and see him for the wonderful human being that he is, faults and all.
The important part is to love each other, accept each other and continue to make great memories together.
There is still a part of me that thinks my father is a man of steel.
Happy Fathers Day to all the daddy’s who are lucky enough to raise wonderful little girls.

Anticipation

June 9th, 2014

A-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n, a feeling of excitement about something that is going to happen. The day I had my child is one of the most amazing days of my life. Now my brother and his wife are about to have their first child. I’m excited for them and for our families. I’m about to have a nephew, and my vocabulary isn’t deep enough to express how thrilled I am about this new little being! From the moment I knew he existed I have loved him.

We are anticipating his birth. I’m not usually a very patient person but there’s nothing like spending nine months thinking about this tiny new life to infuse waiting with happiness. Now that he is past the day he was to be born, I am bursting at the seams to meet this little baby.

I happen to be blessed with lots of aunts and uncles. I love them all but some of them are more special than others. They’ve left me with amazing memories and lots of love and guidance. I look to them for comfort and share with them my joys and pains. I feel at home with them. I feel special. I hope my nephew feels the same about me.

I think of all the ways my daughter’s aunts and uncles have enhanced her life. They are the people that make her feel like she is a princess. They are the ones that make a big deal about her milestones. Birthdays, graduations, piano recitals are all so much more special because of them. They spend time really getting to know her. They play with her, they read to her and talk to her about things she only shares with them. They mean a great deal to her and she to them.

I remember the first day my daughter met my sister-in-law. I knew that it was important to my brother that my Sophia liked his new love. My brother and my daughter have always had a special connection. Thankfully, she loved her new aunt from the moment she met her! She has great taste, as does my brother.

I know there are lots of aunts and uncles who don’t take the task too seriously, but that’s not the case with us. This little baby has aunts and uncles on both sides waiting to embrace, protect, love and guide him along with his parents.

The beauty of being an aunt is that I can love him, spoil him and make him feel special without the burden of disciplining him. That’s something that his parents will have to do.

As I wait and anticipate, I think of the miracle that you are my little one. You are loved by so many even before your arrival. Your mother has nurtured you, your father adored you, your grandparents, aunts and uncles all love you.

Until the day you come…..we wait happily with anticipation.

Deep Rooted

June 2nd, 2014

I’ve always been a creative person but somehow motherhood has left little time for creativity. I mean you have to be creative to get your child to eat the right way, to behave the right way but that’s not the kind of creativity I was looking for. I wanted to do something for myself, so I started taking art classes. I knew I would enjoy taking the class but I never imagined just how much I would get out of it. Not only did I get in touch with my culture, most of the ladies I take class with are Persian. I also made amazing new friends. The class is therapeutic for me. We meet once a week for three hours. During the class we share stories of our lives, we talk about music and art. Sometimes we paint silently and just go into our own little world. Creating art helps me to express myself . The first few months of class I only used paper and pencil. Just learning to sketch was incredible. .

I love creating faces. I don’t know why but I’m fascinated by the human face. I especially like to draw eyes.

I find myself sketching faces when I’m on the phone or if I’m just sitting around. I especially love looking at, and sketching eyes. There’s an old English proverb that states, “the eyes are the window to the soul.” It’s basically saying that by looking deeply into a person’s eyes, you can tell who they truly are on the inside.

I did this sketch a while ago. It’s got to be one of my favorites. After a couple of months I began to paint with acrylic. The feeling of filling a white canvas with vibrant color is spectacular! I get lost in my work. I put a lot of my emotions in it. It’s a completely freeing experience. I just finished painted something for Mother’s Day. The painting is of a woman who has what seems to be a tree growing out of her face. Take some time to really look at the painting. How do you interpret it? How does it make you feel?

For me, it embodies all that a woman goes through in life. I see my mother. I see all the love, the struggles, the pain she experienced in her life. I see her deep rooted connections to her family. I see her strength and her perseverance. I almost feel the strong hold it has on me and on my daughter. Every branch, is a part of her experiences, every leaf is a new lesson, a spiritual growth. Her life is connected to her ancestors, her roots embedded deep inside her.

Special hugs xo

May 23rd, 2014

My nephew turned 10 yesterday. I can’t believe that he is already in double digits. I can still remember the first time I met him when he was only a few days old. He was so little and helpless. I feel the same protectiveness towards him today that I felt then. He is one of the people in my life that gives me unconditional love. His hugs are special. He really hugs like he means it. They’re not forced. You can feel the love radiate through him when he hugs you and when he looks at you.

It’s especially apparent when I see him interact with his beautiful mother. She is clearly his everything. The kid loves his dad but his mom, well it’s a special kind of love he saves only for her.
You see my nephew has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum disorder. It’s a developmental disability that can cause major social, communication and behavioral challenges. You wouldn’t really know it if you looked at Zayn. In fact it almost hurts to look at him because he is so beautiful. He is a strikingly handsome, sweet boy filled with laughter and a certain passion for Spiderman. It’s when you get really close to him and you’re having a conversation with him that you realize that he is a bit aloof. That’s when his mother really feels pain. It hurts her to see that others notice he is different.
There was a time when Zayn wouldn’t look at you when you spoke to him. He certainly wouldn’t converse with you but today he does. I’ve seen this little boy transform so drastically. He now responds to questions and looks at you when you speak to him. I see him slowly coming out of the dark. On the other side of that darkness is his mother, coaxing him to step out into the world.
I’ve had many tearful conversations with my cousin. I’ve felt her heartache and anguish but I’ve also witnessed her strength. They say God gives special children to special people. It must be true. This woman has gone through hell and back within her own childhood. When she was only a few years old she witnessed her father being taken away by the Russians in Afghanistan. He was never seen again and presumed dead. I often think about how much that has haunted her and her brother. That’s just the beginning of her struggles in life. Fast forward to her getting married and having children of her own. No one can really prepare for a special needs child. My cousin is no exception.
Once Zayn was diagnosed she had to mourn the son she thought she had. My cousin decided that she would fight for the son she had. She researched and tried everything from music therapy, to speech…..the list goes on. She spent hours at home repeating what the therapists and psychologist had done with Zayn. She worked so hard that she lost herself in him. The world would see her beautiful smile but only a few of us knew what really went on inside her heart. Now that she is seeing a difference in her boy she is finally able to get out and find herself again.
I started writing this in honor of my beautiful nephew who gives me special hugs. In the end, it’s his mother that I honor and look up to. That’s what parenting is all about. Giving of yourself, loving to the end. Never giving up.
I can see Zayn becoming an actor, a computer scientist. I can see him doing anything he wants in life because he has a mother who helps him soar.
Zayn is different. He is beautiful, kind and he knows who is helping mold him into the wonderful, successful man he will become one day. So he will give special hugs to her always.
I love you Zayn. Happy Birthday to my one of a kind nephew!xoxo

Parenting Conciously

May 20th, 2014

If you are a parent, you use some sort of guideline or method to discipline your children. I know I do.
What do you do and does it work?
We get all kinds of experts telling us how to “discipline” our children. We also get unsolicited advice from the people who love us. Our parents chime in, our siblings and our friends. Everybody has an opinion on how we should be raising our children. Some suggest giving a child a time out. Other methods of disciplining a child could be to take away toys, play dates, television or computer time. Well what if all these methods were wrong? That’s a question that I ask myself, especially after using all the methods above and seeing no results.
Lately my eight year-old daughter and I have been butting heads. We fight over cleaning her room, doing her homework, putting her dishes in the sink and bickering over the way she has been behaving in general. My sweet little girl has literally turned into a teenager way before her time.
Spending time together has gone from being quality mother-daughter time to a stressful mess!
Just as I’m about to throw in the towel, my sister, a very wise and loving aunt turned me onto a clinical psychologist named Dr. Shefali Tsabary. She’s made a name for herself by calling for a radical restructuring of the parenting hierarchy. Dr. Tsabary says that our children are our greatest spiritual teachers. She says they are here as a reflection of where we need to go and grow in our lives. That our relationship is a partnership and not a hierarchical control situation. “Who you are, your child will reflect. Who your child is, is a reflection of your consciousness or unconsciousness.”
Those are some deep words. They stopped me in my tracks! Just think, how daunting it is to know that we the parents are what shape our children completely. It’s something I’ve always known, but to see it put in those words make it so real.
I’ve just picked up some books that Dr. Tsabary has written. They are “The Conscious Parent” and “Out of Control”. I’ll let you know what I think once I’ve read them. In the meantime, I’m going to change the way I look at my daughter, consciously.
The conscious parent, she explains, understands that children are not possessions; they are expressive, free-thinking individuals with their own spirit and interests. “They are not ours to possess, to control and dominate, and to act as if they are our puppets, our minions, our products,” Dr. Tsabary says. “Because that’s where we begin messing it all up.”
I’m going to stop, pause and tune into my child. I’m going to connect more.
Dr. Tsabary says, that we should be the parent we need to be for our children and not the parent we think we should be.
It makes your really think. It’s a different type of parenting. It’s more spiritually connected. Being a parent is the most sacred job and sometimes we have to go back and take some new classes in order to be the best in our job.

Daddy’s Little Girl.

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Anticipation

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Deep Rooted

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Special hugs xo

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Parenting Conciously

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