Style & Serenity

Everyday Is Valentine’s Day

February 14th, 2016

I love holidays, any reason to get together with loved ones makes me happy but celebrating Valentine’s Day can be tricky. For single people, it can bring attention to the fact that they are without a partner. For couples, the pressure is on to show their love for one another. I personally don’t think we should reserve flowers, hearts and love notes for one day of the year. Instead, I think we should show our affection and love for people that we love every day.

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I used to always leave my husband little notes everywhere. Bringing flowers home just because you thought of your loved one is a nice way to show your appreciation. Being considerate, kind and loving every day would also be ideal.

We all have days when we are tired or busy and inattentive but carving some time to just show you care is important in a relationship romantic or otherwise. I think the best thing we can do as couples is to have one on one time every once in a while. Once a week would be wonderful, but if that’s not possible then once a month would be great too.

My best friend and I would send cards and flowers to each other on Valentine’s Day. For the first time, my little girl and her bestie exchanged cards and little tokens of love. They always connect and let each other know how important they are to one other. Valentine’s Day was just a bonus for them.

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You don’t have to buy flowers or big gifts to show your love and it doesn’t even have to be romantic. You can look at this day as just another day to express your appreciation for your parents, siblings, husband, wife, children or friends.

With this in mind, I thought I would share some meaningful ways to celebrate your Valentine.

Write a Love Note

Putting your feelings down on paper is one of the most long lasting and appreciated things you can do for someone. The note doesn’t have to be long — it just has to come from your heart.

Express Words of Gratitude

We all need to hear how much we are appreciated more often. I encourage you to thank the ones you love on a daily basis. Whether it’s that they ran an errand for you, picked up their socks, helped you with a project, or just have faithfully stood by your side through thick and thin. You never know how much a word of thanks can make someone’s day.

Praise character that you appreciate instead of just saying thank you for actions done. Tell your Valentine how much you admire their patience, their kindness, or their amazing ability.

I have my nine year old and her best friend write five things they love about one another every week. I then have them put it in a special box. When they are feeling down about themselves they can open the box and see all the great things they see in one another. I think it’s a great way for kids to learn to love the great qualities that their friend see in them.

Do Something Nice

Do something that you know your Valentine will love. You know them best, so if your partner loves a certain dish make it and make it often. If they appreciate that you show up to meet him or her for lunch in the middle of the week, do it. Buy some flowers if you know that it will make them happy.

Speak Their Love Language

Everyone has a unique LOVE LANGUAGE. It’s the way they feel loved most. If you aren’t familiar with the 5 love languages, they are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Some people can be a mix of a few of these, but you’ll almost always have one that is dominant. If you aren’t sure what your love language is, you can take a quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ just click on profiles and then love.

Once you know what someone else’s love language is, it will help you understand what matters to them the most. My dominant love language is Quality Time. It means that it’s important to me that my partner spends one on one time with me without any distractions. My second dominant love language is Receiving Gifts. What can I say, I really like getting gifts.

I hope you appreciate the gifts of love you have in your life. Just look around you and express your gratitude.

It’s in your hands…

January 20th, 2016

You have to decide whether you are going to be the leader in your own life or an extra in somebody else’s life. Take charge. Make a conscious effort to change what you don’t like about your life. Be grateful for what you do have.

Sit in contemplation everyday and meditate about what will bring you happiness. Then take the first step to make it better. It’s not easy or simple but it’s a good place to start, one step at a time.

If you want to get in better shape…take the first step by eating better and moving your body..

If you want to improve your marriage…take the first step by having an open dialogue, spending time together or even seeing a marriage counselor… take a step to change it for the better.

If you are feeling a void in your life, you have to first find out what it is that you are missing. Take the steps it takes to look within yourself. Once you find out what it is then you can move forward.

One step at a time…to a better life.

Allowing Room for Growth

January 2nd, 2016

My little girl is growing up…fast. Recently my nine-year old decided that she has outgrown her room. She said, Mommy, I’m not a baby anymore and my room looks like a baby room! I want something more grown up.” She said she wanted her lavender room painted black and white, most of her dolls put away except the ones she has gotten each year for her birthday and she wanted her fairy theme gone!

Forget the fact that I spent months painting her a picture of fairies just so it would fit her fairy theme. Now I was going to have to take that down…so she can have a Paris theme along with a picture of Audrey Hepburn somewhere in her room.

Your probably wondering how a nine-year old knows who Audrey Hepburn is. Well, a lot of older people have commented that she reminds them of the iconic actress. She looked her up and decided she loved her! The girl has great taste!

My husband and I considered her request for a new room, mourned the fact that our baby is now a big girl and decided to go for it! It’s a new year and a perfect time for a new start even if it’s a difficult change to face.

My daughter is at an age that is the start of the “tween years.” At nine, she’s no longer a baby but not yet a teenager. It’s a pretty confusing time for her. She is becoming very independent and is starting to want privileges that comes with being a teenager but she isn’t yet ready for them. She’s more interested in cell phones than toys. She would rather go to the movies with her friends than the playground.

Her desire to have more responsibility often leads to conflict between us. She has become more argumentative and tends to beg and whine when we tell her that she can’t have something. But she won’t ever behave that way in front of other people…just at home.

She has a good handle on her anger and her friendships are very important to her. She is very aware of other people’s feelings and is able to empathize with other people’s feelings.

I’m also very aware that she naturally has the desire to fit in with peers at this age. That’s why the choices she makes in friends are important because her peers can be very influential.

I’ve always involved her in positive activities in order to help her find her interests and talents. And disciplining her means balancing freedom with guidance. She needs our support to ensure that she’s making healthy decisions but she also needs to have opportunities to try things on her own. So we let her have her way when it came to the décor of her room.

My husband was really great about painting her room. He painted one wall black and white, while the rest of the room was painted all white. My talented friend Sine helped me decorate the room and add some extra parts in the wardrobe my husband put together in her room. We got an amazingly unique, yet girlish white and black curtains, and little bits of Paris and Hepburn throughout the room. We found a great little chandelier fan in pink…the only color we were allowed to use. We also put up a few positive affirmations throughout her room.

I already know that the next few years of her life, we will deal with a lot of ups and downs. I’m hoping that with open minds and a lot of communication we will be able to make it past the hurdles.

In the meantime, the change she wanted in her room gives her the ability to express herself and feel in control. Hope she sticks with this theme until her teenage years.

A Magical Time

December 24th, 2015

Childhood is a fleeting time. I never realized just how quickly it goes until I had my own child. It feels like yesterday when we celebrated our little girls first birthday and now in just a few months she will be ten. My time as a child feels so far away and yet I have such amazing memories. Now that I am a mother seeing my own child growing before my eyes is so surreal. I want to create amazing memories for her so that she can look back in time with fondness.

Holidays, birthdays, family weddings and new babies in the family are all really special occasions . I want my daughter to remember all these significant occasions so I take a lot of pictures. I want to document every special moment for her.

Every year I see a huge difference in her. She is taller, more mature looking and she is really growing emotionally too. She is becoming more self-aware. Year after year I watch as she understands more, becomes more a part of this world. I wish I could bottle up that amazing feeling of being able to do anything when we are children.

Along with great memories of family, I have wonderful memories of friends. Friendships growing up were so important to me. They have literally saved me from many gloomy and sad days. I am so thankful to have had every single friend in my life…even those whom are no longer a part of my life. They helped me endure all the ups and downs of growing up. I know my little girl’s friendships are precious to her as well.

I always try to keep the magic alive for her and her friends during the holidays. Although we are not Christians, we definitely believe in giving and we believe in Santa Clause! We try to do simple yet wonderful things together with friends and family.

We indulge in creating beautiful memories. We spend time with the people we love. I try to instill in her what my parents instilled in me. I want her to open her heart to her family and friends. I want her to know what it is to be compassionate, to be thankful and enjoy the simple joys of life. I want her to know how special she is and I want her to have self-love as well as love in her heart for others. It’s a time of giving so she will certainly get a few presents from Santa…but I already see that what matters to her is that connection we all need with one another. She is also a little girl who has compassion for others and wants to give her own money and time to help others.

Here is a painting my daughter created…honoring her favorite magical friend.

I hope this season is a magical one for you and your family. Wishing you peace and love.

Missing your loved ones during the holidays

December 16th, 2015

The holidays are a time of family gatherings, traditions, gifts and spirituality. It’s a magical time for children and adults alike. It’s also a time many of us miss our loved ones who are no longer with us. After someone important dies the holidays are often never the same again.

Traditions, events, parties, songs, movies.. the grief triggers are everywhere. Many cope with their loss by avoiding conversation about their loved ones or just being in denial. Here are some ways of coping with loss during this time.

My loved ones are always in my heart. I miss them even more when we have celebrations. Their absence is deafening. Keeping our loved one’s memory alive helps us cope. You can continue to make them a part of your holiday season.

Here some ways to remember loved ones during the holidays:

1. Photos: Leave old photo albums around, or make an album featuring your loved one. Before you know it you’ll be reminiscing and telling stories with family and friends.

2. Get out the old home videos. Yes it can be emotional and painful, but it also might be comforting to see your loved one up on the TV screen.

3. Wrap up a few of your loved one’s old things and give them to family and friends who will appreciate them. Write a card letting them know why you chose to give them this particular item. They will love the gift and the sentiment.

4. You can create a special place for people to write down memories. Put out a marker and paper or plain wooden ornaments. Friends and family can hang the ornaments or leave the memories in an empty gift box. When everyone is gathered together, read the memories aloud.

5. Donate to a cause in your loved ones name. Try and choose a charity your loved one would have supported.

6. When you see a gift your loved one would have liked, go ahead and buy it. Donate it to a charity or give it to someone as gift.

7. Volunteer your time to others in need. You might choose a cause your loved one worked with or supported.

8. Light a candle in honor of your loved one. Leave it burning during days when you think you’ll miss them the most.

9. Invite your family and friends to a holiday potluck. Ask guests to make a dish that your loved one liked.

10. Buy or make a memorial ornament.

11. Use your loved one’s old recipe(s) to make holiday cookies or a holiday dinner.

12. Visit or spend time in a place where you feel close to your loved one. You could also spend time watching their favorite holiday movies or listening to their favorite holiday songs.

13. Take the trip you have been planning or dreaming about.

14. Give a framed photo of your loved one to people who also miss them.

15. Spend time talking about your loved one with family and friends. Express your feelings…cry if you need to.

16. Take care of yourself. Attend a workshop or support group for people dealing with a loss during the holidays. Remember that your loved one would have wanted you to have the support you need.

Unfortunately I’ve lost a lot of loved ones…family and friends. I think about them often. I’m always grateful that I believe in the hereafter and that someday I will reunite with my loved ones. For now, I choose to keep their memories alive and enjoy the loved ones who are here. I choose not to take them for granted and do my best to be present with them.

I wish you all peace and love during this wonderful season.

Everyday Is Valentine’s Day

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It’s in your hands…

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Allowing Room for Growth

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A Magical Time

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Missing your loved ones during the holidays

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